Maiko's Divine Comedy: Purgatory!
by Maiko.Chan12
Summary: After leaving Hell, the gang head to Mount Purgatory in order to reach Paradise and see L. Part 2 of the Divine Comedy Series !
1. Chapter 1

((I told you I'd do the WHOLE DIVINE COMEDY! I want to say 'I told you so'…but I don't want to be mean. Anyway, _**please read and review Maiko's Inferno…PLEASE!**_ And for those of you who are reading this and don't know how this little gaggle got onto a cruise ship, don't be lazy and _**READ MAIKO'S INFERNO! **_That is all….for now. But, other than that, read and review Part 1 and Part 2 of this _lovely_ Divine Comedy parody~. The original Divine Comedy, however, I don't own….*sobs*))

I, as well as Hades, Demi, Matt, Hermes, and Suki woke up from a dreamless slumber only to hear people singing heavenly hymns in Latin, "_In exitu Israel de Aegypto…_" The song echoed in my ears, even as I tried to move to my still-slightly-sleepy shinigami guide, Demi; "What's happening? And who are those people on the port side of the ship?" I asked, shaking her awake. Seeing that she refused to answer, Matt filled in for her, "They are the souls that are neither damned nor blessed; they need to be cleansed of their sins before ascending to Heaven. Speaking of which, Suki did mention something about the Mount of Purgatory having seven terraces. Oddly enough, she was right; each terrace relates to each sin." He explained. "What sins?" "The Seven Cardinal Vices: Pride and Vanity, Envy, Wrath, Sloth, Greed, Gluttony, and finally Lust; the terraces are made up in that order, Young Miss." Said Hades, now finished with _Tale of Two Cities_ and moved on to _The Hunchback of Notre-Dame_ without looking up from the book.

Hermes, however, was stumbling toward us wearing his winged cap backwards (as well as his clothes) and with some hangover medicine in his hand. "Wow~, that was something of a party last night~. Dionysus* needs to come to Earth more often~." He happily slurred, hiccupping between words as he leaned on Suki, his breath reeking of cocktails. "Not again…" Hades muttered to himself as he reached into one of his pants pockets, fished out a small leather satchel, pulled out a pinch of light blue powder and blew it into his nephew's face. In less than four seconds, Hermes was back to himself before the 'party': sleepy. "Thanks, Uncle Hades…Are we at Purgatory yet?" He asked, now standing up with a slouch as Matt answered, "Take a look in the distance and you'll get your answer."

What we all saw, as we were leaning out over one of the railings of the ship, was an island with a large mountain crowning it. There was one thing my 'guides' forgot to mention: a ring of flame on the Seventh Terrace. As I pointed this out to Demi, she simply answered, "Oh, that's just the way The Lustful souls are purged." _By having themselves being burnt to ashes?_ With the combination of the souls singing in Latin, the clamor on the ship, and the cruise ship's foghorn sounding, I did something I hadn't done since I had first entered Hell: I fainted.

I opened my eyes to see a colossal mountain up ahead, a lengthy line of redeemable spirits headed straight for a large door on the mountain's side, both Hermes and Hades carrying me (am I really THAT heavy?) in their arms, and an old man with a silver beard that reached his chest in length. "Who is he?" I asked, gesturing to the elder as Hermes responded, "That is Cato the Younger of Utica, opposer of Caesar and student of the Stoics. I now regret Athene homeschooling me…" Hermes shuddered, causing me to fall on my side. "Stop! Who are you?" Cato ordered, halting me in my tracks. "I am on a divine quest to steer myself from the path of sin. If you don't mind my asking, are you the guard of Purgatory?" "You asked right, miss. However, I can understand Hermes acting as your guide…but, a former head mobster, a captain of a reapers' clan*, and most of all, the Lord of the Greek Underworld? This is unheard of! All of you, except Hermes, shall stay here with me." Cato ordered.

Demi, Matt, Hades, and Suki looked amongst themselves and glared at the man who dared oppose Caesar. Matt started, "So…what you're saying is…you won't let a leader of the most powerful mob group in HISTORY…" "A top-rank death messenger…", Demi growled. "A right wing to one of the most powerful deities in Greek Mythology…", Suki continued in her cute monotone. "And one of the Great Gods who could have you perish with not even a penny to your name* and be sent to Tartarus not accompany this young lady to cleanse herself of her sins? You are one to talk; the one who went against one of the greatest Caesars in Roman history, defied the Senate by his own stubborness, and _committed suicide_ after your enemy crushed an ally of yours! You should be in the Woods of the Suicides, by the Fates! I suggest you let us pass, otherwise I shall do something that I definitely will NOT regret." Hades growled.

((CLIFF for the first chapter~! Will he let them pass?))


	2. Cato and the Ante Puragtory!

((Here is the long awaited second chapter~! Sorry for making you all wait this long: life smacked me over the head and had set me to work. Here's a few fixes I'd like to make: like Letters, I shall make the chapters into a different person's view of the story~! Anyway, I don't own _La Divino Commedia_ or _**ANYTHING**_ mentioned in this story…except the always-adorable Suki, who is going to ask you all a VERY important question that concerns the fate of what will be my ENTIRE Divine Comedy Parody. Oh, Suki-chan!  
Suki: For **only **those who are faithful to Maiko, answer this question truthfully, honestly, and wholeheartedly: If Maiko's parody had been taken down while it was still incomplete, what would you do?))

**My POV**

I sprinted over to Hades and Suki as quickly as I could and tugged on his white shirt sleeve; "Hades, I have a sinking feeling that someone from Hell may have followed us here…Maybe _he*_ must've sent someone to track us…" I mused as Suki responded in her usual so-cute monotone, "Mai-onee, I also heard a hissing noise not too long ago…Someone from Lucifer's Court must've been sent to find us and break us apart." She thought aloud as she, Hades, and I already feeling the gloomy presence grow heavier and heavier as Matt, Demi, and Hermes hurried toward us with a fearful look on their faces. Between the six of us, a feeling of fear and a bit of silence was shared until Hermes broke it. "Well, we have to keep moving…oh, wait. The sun is setting; it looks like we'll have to stay here until sunup." He sighed, now sitting on his haunches as the hissing noise grew louder and nearer until…

"No-one will move. I spotted something in the grass…" Hades ordered as he now moved into a crouching position and was about to head toward the hissing object until two green-winged figures swooped with swords of flame, swinging them at what appeared to be a black snake. "What the—" Demi, Matt, nor I had the time or even the breath left to finish our outburst. One of the grassy winged seraphs boomed, "Get away with you, dreaded serpent and agent of Beelzebub! You are not wanted here!" As the serpent slithered away in defeat, I made the only sensible reaction that I could make: I fainted….yet _**again**_.

**Hermes' POV**

Seriously, of all things for her to do at _this time_…. How many times does this chick faint, anyways? Aside from that, I helped her onto her feet and slung an arm across my shoulders as we (well, I mostly) made tracks toward what seemed to be a steep-looking stony ledge with sounds of prayers spilling forth. "This must be Negligent and Lethargic…." That ratty pest of a Mafia head murmured, slinging her other arm around his shoulders. "We should alert the others about this. Plus, the sun is about to rise in just a few minutes!" He exclaimed as my great grandma Nyx stretched herself out once again as she folded up her cloak of stars and headed back to Erebus, waiting for my Uncle for his homecoming. "Well, you do have a point; Dawn is just about to break in 3…2…1." Blues and violets gave way to reds, vivid orange, a golden yellow and finally a vibrant sky blue as my relative Helios rode out on his chariot once again (do they _ever_ get tired of doing this?).

"Perfect, now we can move on to the next ledge, thanks to the both of you finding it! The two of you should work together more often." My Uncle from the Underworld suggested in a somewhat cheerful tone as he placed Suki on one of his shoulders. Wait, hold up a minute. Did he just say, 'the two of you should work together'? I must've blacked out because Heaven will go to Hell before I work with that chain-smoking, idiotic, lazy, unpredictable, game-addicted, ex-Mafia boss! How the hell did he even get to that status is beyond me. "Huh, as if…" I muttered as the death-messenger wife of said chain-smoking, game-addicted, ex-Mob boss headed over to Maiko (to me, that has got to be a pretty stupid name…A geisha in training? Honest to Heaven?) And tried to rouse her; in a few seconds, the girl came to and wriggled out of mine and Mail's grasp. "What did you say earlier, Hermes? I didn't quite catch that…" He asked me in that always, to me, unintelligent tone of his. "That's none of your business. Now, does anyone have an idea on how to get the next ledge?" I questioned as Suki raised her hand. "Yes, Suki, what's your idea?" I asked, turning to the pale girl.

**Suki's POV**

"How about if one of us climbs onto the ledge and pulls everyone up, one by one? Maybe that'll work…" I said, my hand still being raised. "Ha, there's no way that idea might possibly work… Hey, wait, I've got a better idea: one of us get onto the ledge and pull everybody up? Oh, Mercury, you are a genius~!" He arrogantly praised himself…why do I feel like the only one who wants to give him a nicely placed kick in his speedily inflating ego? Matt, thankfully, set the Messenger in his place as the gamer smacked him in the back of Hermes' neck; "You are definitely a Timon*; quit stealing Suki's ideas! Plus, I think it'll work out, _Suki_, after all, you _did _come up with the idea." He grinned, motioning to scramble onto the ledge as I managed to call out gratefully, "Thank you very much, Matt!" I bounded off of Master Hades' left shoulder and took my new older sister, Maiko, by the hand.

She glanced at me and called up to Matt, "If you're a true gentleman, you'll help the ladies climb up first." He answered by lending a hand to his red-eyed wife nearby, pulling her up with very little effort. He motioned for me to come closer; Maiko-nee plucked me off of the ground and handed me to the red-headed gamer with absolutely no effort. "You're so light, Suki~!" The two said with a smile as Maiko climbed up the ledge herself with no problem. As soon as everyone settled, I heard my stomach growl…Thank goodness; Mai-nee pulled out a cookie from her pocket, broke it in half, and gave one to me. "Thank you…" I mumbled with my mouth half full of chocolate chip. "Now would be perfect for a nap; it's already noon and we are now in the zone of the Lethargic, those who waited til their final hour to repent. Should we keep going or—" Hades was cut off by sounds of sleep from Hermes, Demi, and even Matt. "Rest…Well, it seems that there's only the three of us here…" He muttered, his eyelids not even becoming the slightest bit heavy.


	3. Up the Ante

((I am _**sooo **_sorry for having everyone wait for so long: studying for an upcoming AP exam in May can do that to someone, especially yours truly. While you wait on me and my sluggishness, I highly suggest that you read some of my other works, preferably _Maiko's Inferno _so you _**cannot **_**(**and will not) ask, 'Why are they here? How did they get here?' Before you read Maiko's Inferno, I highly suggest reading the original _Inferno, Purgatorio, _and finally _Paradiso _by the Italian Renaissance poet Dante Alighieri to get/understand the concept of my entire parody. Everybody understand? Good. Enjoy! Oh, and I don't own the Divine Comedy or any media/anime/cartoon/pop culture/history in any way, shape, or form….except Suki as well as some of my own characters from my imagination.))

**Hades' POV**

I looked at those who hadn't yielded (yet) to my servant Hypnos' clowning around: one of my high merit resident-servants, a young authoress on a saintly journey to collect her lost sweetheart, and finally myself. Of all Erebian residents, I'm not at all affected by any of Hypnos' spells or Hecate's sleeping potions; I might be-how can I word this? -an enduring insomniac. Anyways, I look to see only the sun beginning to dip into the horizon as I roused the rest of the group. "Quickly, everyone, get up! Wake up! It's almost sundown; if we don't make it, we'll be trapped on this ledge until daybreak!" I advised with a slight tone of panic in my voice. "Alright, Uncle…we're moving, we're moving…don't get your robes in a bunch…" My nephew grumbled as he stumbled to his winged feet, not at all content with the five hour nap he received. "Hades' got a point; we have to keep moving, otherwise we're going to be stuck here for another night…I can't stand sleeping on the ground any longer…" The ruby-eyed death-messenger groaned as she pulled herself to her feet, fully rested.

When we were all set to move, the timing couldn't be any more perfect; we had moved to the Lethargic just before sunset. The sight before us was slightly surprising: the shades of great rulers, both young and old, were scattered about praying for their loved ones to cut short their sentences; the shades of men, women, even children laughing, praying, praising Him, and even sleeping; I had even spotted a group of souls move to the ridge that lead to the Un-Absolved! It's a shame that my niece Artemis and Madame Nyx had already made their journey across the skies… "We'll have to bide our time here until the sun rises again." I thought aloud as my young maidservant Suki wandered off to play with the shades of children and the Mafioso trailed behind her as guard.

**Demi's POV**

At long freakin' last, we're in Purgatory! I was starting to get tired of all that torture and gore—ugh. It was starting to make me puke…Anyway, as I watched Matt go off to watch that adorable little Suki play, I wondered to myself: _What the hell should I do? _Hades is finding us a place to rest, Hermes is being a full-blown nuisance, Maiko is being Maiko…well, I'll just ad-lib, then. "Hey, Herpes—" "It's _Hermes_! Get it right!" The Messenger started at me; he was getting a bit too close. "Fine then, flyboy, how do we pass the time until morning?" I asked, already feeling bored out of my brain. "Oh, I know~!" He exclaimed, a grin spreading on his face as he pulled out a book of matches. "If you go pyro on me, I swear I'm gonna—" "No, I won't, I swear…but this involves fire…" He said as he struck a match on a pile of sticks and pulled out a guitar from nowhere. Oh, _please tell me this idiot isn't going to- _"I call this one The Campfire Song Song. _Let's gather round the campfire and sing our campfire song: our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song! And if you don't think that we can sing it faster, then you're wrong; but it'll help if you just sing along—" _After I confiscated the guitar, I said apologetically, "Sorry, but, even though that song's epic, it sort of gets on my nerves sometimes…sorry…" I said sheepishly, now facing a puppy-eyed Hermes. "_Please! You said you were bored…_" He said in a begging tone, now clasping his hands in prayer form. A few moments of thinking later… "_Let's sing it one more time~!_" I cheered, the boredness evaporating in the air (?) as it was my turn to sing the Campfire Song Song for the second time. One by one, we dropped to sleep (with the exception of Hades, the almighty insomniac); this left only Matty and me.

"Hey Demi-hime…ever wonder what it'll be like when we get to Paradiso?" He asked, his orange goggles obscuring his eyes, but not the curious look held in them. "I don't know, Matty. It looks like we'll have to see it when we get there, I guess." I shrugged as my husband strummed a lazy chord on the guitar. "I didn't know you played guitar, Matt." I said, turning to him, hugging my knees to my chest. Noticing the goosebumps on my skin (despite us being closest to the fire), he took off his brown leather jacket and placed it on me as well as a soft kiss on my cheek. "Well, I hope we get there soon: Mai-neechan is feeling kind of lonely. I can sense it, you know that!" He stated with a slightly worried look on his face as he sat up from lying on his back. "Sure, Matty, sure…and personally, if we end going all this way for nothing, I will lose it altogether." I stated, feeling a bit of sleep creep up on me and my husband; not wanting feel any colder (despite the jacket), I snuggled close to Matt as he snuffed out the fire and put the guitar off to one side of him…


End file.
